Thursday, November 13
Bills at Dolphins (-5): I liked what I saw out of Miami last week. Their win streak came to an end in Detroit but they played well & were in it until the end. They just might be a contender after all. I know, I'm shocked too. I'm used to Miami being irrelevant in the NFL since Dan Marino's retirement. I'm also used to Buffalo being irrelevant by this time of season, but they're still hanging around. I can't keep track of their running backs & Kyle Orton excites me as much as any of the wrestling Ortons at this point, but they're still in it.
Last time these two teams played, Miami got their heads handed to them. I think the Dolphins get their revenge.
Sunday, November 16
Vikings at Bears (-3): We decided in this column last week that the Bears suck, and they sure lived up to that judgment on Sunday night. I've been getting home during these primetime games lately, and the game tends to be over before I get home. It's been kinda disappointing, but at least I'm not missing anything. Bears fans are going crazy over the head coach, the quarterback & pretty much anybody involved. They had expectations for double digit wins & playoff berths, at this point double digit losses might be more likely.
I don't think anybody had high expectations for Minnesota this year, but their season certainly hasn't gone the way anybody would have predicted. Teddy Bridgewater is solidly the QB1 at this point, and while he's not setting the world on fire he's not getting in his team's way either. Adrian Peterson is waiting to come back, and until he does they have a two-headed monster with one good RB & another that gets all the touchdowns.
The Bears still suck, but you figure they have to win a home game at some point. If they don't do it this week, when will they?
Texans at Browns (-3): Cleveland is one of those teams that plays up or down to its competition. Wins over the Steelers, Saints & Bengals. Close losses to the Steelers & Ravens. The 3 weeks before the Bengals game saw them lose to the Jaguars & play not so well against the Raiders & Buccaneers. They rise to the occasion, something that can't be said about the team from Cincinnati. Brian Hoyer is a game manager. I don't think we can classify Cleveland on the same level as New England, Indianapolis or Denver, but they can win the four-way dogfight that is the AFC North.
Houston's trying something different this week, and I don't think I can blame them. Ryan Mallett's a guy that everybody's always said had potential, but sitting behind Tom Brady wasn't going to give him the chance to show it. Ryan Fitzpatrick...we know what he is. He's a QB2 that occasionally gets to be a QB1 due to circumstance. He isn't taking anybody without a great defense to the playoffs. Ryan Mallett...we don't know what he is. So I think it's worth the risk to the Texans' already slim playoff chances to find out what they have in the kid from Arkansas, and if they can ride with him in the future, or if they need to target a QB in the 2015 draft.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Mallett plays well & the Texans win the game because that's what the Browns do. They don't do well in games they should win. Screw it, I'll roll the dice on the Texans. The Browns might be different this year, but they aren't that different.
Seahawks at Chiefs (-1.5): Marshawn Lynch vs. Jamaal Charles. Lynch was struggling to get things going earlier in the season, but the last two weeks have made everybody forget about all that. Expect lots of running backs running people over here. No reason for KC to challenge the Seattle secondary when they have Charles & Knile Davis. Kansas City has an incredible home field advantage about 95% of the time, and I expect the Chiefs to take the advantage. Then people will wonder what's wrong with the Seahawks for the next week while forgetting that the Chiefs are pretty good.
Falcons at Panthers (-1.5): This is all that needs to be said about the NFC South at this point:
Seems pretty obvious that I don't need to waste any time on this one. Falcons because Cam Newton's hobbling around out there worse than me the morning after a bender.
Bengals at Saints (-7): Given the history between the Brown family & the Cleveland Browns, you know that Paul Brown had to be rolling over in his grave last Thursday night. Hell, Mike Brown probably went out to his burial plot after the game & did some rolling over of his own. It was a shameful performance that we shouldn't have been surprised by. If Andy Dalton has proven nothing else during his three years in the league, he's proven that he can't get the job done when the eyes of the nation are upon him. I didn't know it was possible to get a 2 passer rating, but ol' Red Rifle teaches us something new every week.
And it's not just Dalton. AJ Green seems to drop more passes in these games. The defense has holes in it you don't see in other games. There are knuckleheads like Jeremy Hill that think they're a lot better than they actually are & say foolish things like that the opponents weren't that good. Sometimes you get the feeling this team thinks they've already won a championship or two. Newsflash: Y'all haven't won shit. Not by NFL standards. You might be impressing yourselves winning the division or lucking into a wild card only to get blown out in January, but everybody else is on to your act. And until you prove that you can get it done when it matters, Cincinnati fans & NFL fans across the country aren't buying in. We have no reason to.
We're not buying into the NFC South or anything related to it either, so I don't really know what to expect here. All I know is the Saints are still better at home than on the road, and when the Bengals lose they lose by wide margins. 7 seems like a high number, but Vegas knows the Bengals are prone to getting blown out, and the Saints can't be in a happy mood after last week.
The one thing to watch out for is that it's a regionally-televised game, and the Bengals do a lot better in those.
Buccaneers at Washington (-7): People watching this be all like
I have zero faith in anything involved in this game. I will go with Washington because the last time they played a horrible team from Florida at home, they beat them 41-10. I have nothing more to say about this that is either relevant or true.
Broncos (-9.5) at Rams: St. Louis has had one of the toughest schedules in the league. They've been playing teams in playoff contention ever since Week 3, and it doesn't get any easier this week since they're playing the Broncos and have stupidly demoted Austin Rivers Davis for Shaun Hill.
St. Louis, you suck. Broncos in a landslide.
49ers (-4) at Giants: People keep wanting to bury the 2014 San Francisco 49ers & Jim Harbaugh's NFL coaching career, but they keep doing things like winning in New Orleans. They're hanging on by a thread. The Giants...not so much. They will benefit from a three game stretch with Jacksonville, Tennessee & Washington, but they've fallen out of contention for anything other than the NFC South title. And since they don't play in the NFC South, that seems like a longshot. I think the 49ers take care of business this week to stay in the mix. Patrick Willis being out for the season is something to keep an eye on, and maybe the Giants use Larry Donnell to take advantage of that, but that's wishful thinking from a Larry Donnell fantasy owner.
Raiders at Chargers (-10): The best thing that could have happened to the Chargers after that asswhipping they took from the Dolphins in Week 9 was a bye week to chillax. We've talked before about their difficult schedule to end the season, but they did luck out with that bye and a Raiders game after it to keep people rested. Ryan Mathews should be back this week, and he should have a big game to lead the Chargers in a blowout.
Eagles at Packers (-5): Both these teams looked like well-oiled machines in their squash matches on WWF Superstars & WWF Wrestling Challenge respectively. Now it's time to put the winners against each other on PPV & see who prevails! Well, nobody's paying because this game is on Fox. Our eardrums will be paying since Joe Buck & Troy Aikman will probably be on the call.
I like both these teams. Eagles have been fun to watch with whoever's playing at QB1. Mark Sanchez? Sure, why not? I like a good comeback story & it's not like anybody was going to succeed in the situation he was put in with the Jets & Tim Tebow & Geno Smith & whoever was trying to run the ball or catch passes & Rex Ryan & Rex Ryan's wife & Woody Johnson & all that stuff. The Packers always provide a fun & relaxing experience. Should be a good high-scoring game here.
As for who to take...I mean, as much as I like the idea of Mark Sanchez I'm not sure I could bet on him on the road, especially in Green Bay. Packers seem like the safe choice here.
Lions at Cardinals (-2): Carson Palmer is out for the season with a torn ACL. It figures. The last time he was on a team this good was the 2005 Bengals, who he led to the playoffs & people expected big things from. Until his knee got torn up in the 1st round. Arizona fans, I feel your pain.
And I know that some of you are talking yourselves into Drew Stanton, but Drew Stanton has not completed 50% of his passes this season. I think he has the potential to be a Josh McCown if things go well. It's a credit to Bruce Arians & the rest of the team that they didn't fall off the map the last time Palmer was out for an extended period of time. Now they have to do it for a much longer period of time, and this week they get to play the team that's better against quarterbacks than anybody else in the league.
The Lions keep hanging around & haven't melted down just yet. There have been plenty of chances for them to, as they've won their last three games by single digits and probably should have lost each one of them. Their defense has been top-notch most of the season, so they should be able to shut down Drew Stanton. Arizona's a tough place to play but I think the Lions can handle it. Calvin Johnson being back definitely helps.
Patriots at Colts (-3): Will we get a Sunday Night Football game that delivers? The Colts were involved in the two closest primetime games of the year, though that's deceptive because both games were blowouts in the first half that became competitive in the second half after the eventual winner took the foot off the gas. On paper, this should be a close game. We'll see if the SNF Effect kicks in.
Have you noticed that the Patriots' win streak has mostly consisted of home games? They won in Buffalo, but the wins over the Bengals, Jets, Bears & Broncos all took place in Foxboro. Their other road win was in Minnesota the week that Adrian Peterson was booted out of the league. So it can be easily said that maybe New England's just a lot better at home than they are on the road. I don't think anybody else has mentioned this because they're afraid of Tom Brady making them look foolish.
Fortunately for us, I already look like a damn fool. I'll take some Colts, please. Stopping Peyton Manning in cold weather is one thing, stopping Andrew Luck inside a dome is a horse of an entirely different color.
Monday, November 17
Steelers (-5.5) at Titans: The Pittsburgh Steelers looked like they were on the right track. Fellow Ultimate Football Blogger & noted Steeler fan Jeremy Lambert sure was full of himself last week, wasn't he? He hated all over the Bengals on Thursday night & claimed it was further proof that his wild-ass guess that the Steelers would win the division was accurate. A blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile, and whenever Jeremy finds that nut he's going to let you know all about it. He was loving life.
Until this happened:
Bruce Gradkowski, Steeler QB2 noted for...well, not much of anything in his decade in the league, later claimed that he was merely trying to get some of the Biebs' Twitter followers. When your football players are more concerned with trying to get Twitter followers than winning football games, your team is headed down the primrose path. I think the real question here is why the Steelers apparently make a habit of inviting celebrities to their Bible study, which is the event where Bieber & several Steelers posed for pictures. Now, I'm not the most religious guy out there, but shouldn't Bible study be about the Lord? It shouldn't be about glad-handing with celebrities, right? These Steelers are more concerned with the Cult of Personality than the Word of the Lord, and that's why they lost to the miserable Jets on Sunday.
Pittsburgh already has inexplicably lost to the Jets & the Buccaneers. Can they complete the hat trick of futility & lose to the Tennessee Titans? I generally avoid writing much of anything about Titans games because they're foregone conclusions. They're 27th in passing offense. 23rd in rushing. 29th at stopping the run. They're 11th at stopping the pass, but that's because their games are usually over by the 4th quarter & people are running out the clock. This is not a good football team.
But neither are the Jets. And neither are the Bucs.
So you're saying there's a chance...
Nah. The Steelers will get back on track this week in front of a home crowd in Nashville. Le'Veon Bell will run all over the Titan defense while Zach Mettenberger (he is still playing, right?) will get taken advantage of by the Steeler defense. It'll be another one of those classic primetime games we've been treated to this year.
Last Week: 10-3
Season Record: 75-69-3
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