Last year for The Ultimate Sports Blog I did a weekly comedy power rankings. This year, I’ve decided to mix it up a bit because, truthfully, those became a hassle by the end of the year and I just had more to say. So, instead of ranking various happenings during the week, I’ve decided to look at the most important talking points from the previous weekend and give my thoughts on the subjects. Plus some quick hits at the bottom. Talking points are in no particular order.
The New England Patriots Are Pissed Off
Every year the Super Bowl Champions open at home on Thursday night against a worthy opponent. And every year the Super Bowl Champions seem to win. In fact, since 2006, the champs have only lost twice on opening night. In 2011, the Giants lost at home against the Cowboys and in 2012 the Ravens, playing on the road due to a scheduling conflict with the Baltimore Orioles, lost to the Broncos. Otherwise, the champs open at home and they win. This year was no different as the Patriots defeated the Steelers. This wouldn’t be a huge deal, except that the offseason wasn’t about how great the Patriots are because they just won the Super Bowl. It was about how they cheated in a blowout victory and how Tom Brady covered up evidence of said cheating. Less than a week before the game, the Patriots didn’t even know if Brady would be playing.
Brady played, thanks in large part to Roger Goodell continuing his run of incompetence, and played like the best quarterback in league history.
Of course, he didn’t throw 4 touchdowns and complete 25 out of 32 passes because he’s Tom Brady, he’s played in the same system his entire career, and he has Rob Gronkowski. He did all that because HE’S PISSED OFF! THE PATRIOTS ARE PISSED OFF! GOODELL HAS TARNISHED THEIR GOOD NAME AND NOW THEY ARE PISSED OFF!!!!!
The Patriots are a great team. They’re going to be Super Bowl contenders once again. Hell, they’re my pick to win the Super Bowl. But it’s not because they’re pissed off and playing with a chip on their shoulder. Bill Belichick and Brady always look like they have a chip on their shoulder when they’re on the field. They didn’t need Goodell to turn that chip into a bag. The Patriots aren’t pissed off about Goodell going after them and Brady getting suspended and then unsuspended. They’re rejoicing the fact that Goodell is an idiot and they’re playing great football. Just like they’ve done for the past 10 years.
But if you’re someone who buys into stupid things like, “they’re really pissed off” then just wait until next week when they dismantle the Bills following an entire week of the Steelers bitching about their headsets not working properly.
2. New York Giants Give Game Away
It turns out that the Giants learned nothing from the Seahawks loss in the Super Bowl.
Instead of running the ball from the 1 yard line with 1:43 left and either scoring a touchdown that would’ve put the game away or chewing up 40 seconds of game time, the Giants decided to throw the ball. No, Eli didn’t throw an interception. Instead, he threw the ball out of bounds, thus stopping the clock and giving the Cowboys extra time to execute what turned out to be the game-winning drive.
In a way, it was fitting. Last year the season ended with everyone talking about the Seahawks dumb decision not to run the ball from the one and this year the season started with everyone talking about the Giants dumb decision not to run the ball from the one.
It’s baffling that Super Bowl winning coach like Tom Coughlin and a Super Bowl winning quarterback like Eli Manning weren’t smart enough to figure out that, if they had just run the ball, they likely would’ve put the game away. It’s even more baffling that, as it turns out, the Giants didn’t even know how many timeouts the Cowboys had and that Rashad Jennings was told not to score. Not knowing how many timeouts the other team has is one of the dumbest excuses ever in football. It’s on every scoreboard in the stadium and there are at least five scoreboards in every stadium. It’s also on every monitor in the stadium, so if you’re too lazy to look up at the giant screen over the endzone, you can just ask one of your coordinators in the booth how many timeouts the other team has.
3. Eagles Stumble Out Of The Gate
To me, the Eagles were the most fascinating team coming into the regular season. No other team went through as many offseason changes as the Eagles. They have a new quarterback, a new running back, new receivers, new defensive players, pretty much everyone on the team is new except the head coach. He’s just the guy who brought all these new players in. These were supposed to be “his guys.” Well, Chip Kelly might have “his guys,” but he certainly didn’t know what to do with them. Sam Bradford and the receivers never seemed on the same page and DeMarco Murray carried the ball eight times for nine years. The defense played well, but the offense couldn’t stay on the field long enough to give them a break. The offense, which is supposed to be about an up-tempo pace and running more plays than the opponent, looked slow and the Falcons ended up running two more plays than the Eagles.
It’s only one game, and had Cody Parkey made a 44-yard field goal, the Eagles might’ve come away with a victory. But after spending the entire offseason feuding with the front office to get more control of the team, getting more control of the team, and re-working the roster to his liking, Kelly sure laid an egg.
4. Marcus Mariota Defeats Jameis Winston
It was the battle of the top two picks and two teams likely going nowhere this season. All eyes were on Winston and Mariota. One player had Dustin James already writing his Hall of Fame speech. The other had Todd Bergman sulking two days after his birthday.
Sure, Mariota looked like the best player in the league while Winston looked like a lost rookie, but it’s only one game. I won’t get ahead of myself about Mariota. He turned in one of the best first games in quarterback history with four touchdowns on 13/16 passing, but he was facing a Bucs team that won two games last year for a reason. I think the Titans did a good job tailoring the offense to Mariota’s strengths, but the Bucs are terrible on defense and Mariota won’t have it so easy next week when he plays, crap, he plays the Browns next week. Alright, maybe he’ll have another great game next week. But I promise, when he has to play the, are you kidding me, the Colts terrible defense in his home debut. Mariota might have 10 TDs by the end of week three. Alright, but when he has to play the Bills in week five, I promise that he’ll struggle.
As for Winston, I’d be way more concerned about his performance. He didn’t have Mike Evans, which will obviously help him, but he was playing the Titans. He should’ve been able to make plays against them. Instead he threw an interception on his first NFL pass and showed off the poor decision making that everyone, except the Bucs, worried about heading into the draft. I wouldn’t write off Winston yet, but Bucs fans had to be hoping for a lot more than they saw on Sunday.
5. Colts and Seahawks Lose
Heading into the season, a lot of people picked the Indianapolis Colts and the Seattle Seahawks to make the at least the AFC and NFC Title games. While going 0-1 won’t end their hopes and dreams, it certainly makes their road to get there a little tougher.
The Colts spent their entire offseason giving Andrew Luck more weapons, and, well, they shot blanks. Frank Gore had 31 yards on eight carries, Andre Johnson had four catches for 24 yards, and Phillip Dorsett had 45 yards on two catches. For the most part, the Colts offense consisted of Luck finding T.Y. Hilton, which is going to work all season, but wasn’t supposed to be the entire gameplan when the Colts added Gore and Johnson while drafting Dorsett. That said, the Bills defense is outstanding, so while Luck and the offense was bottled up a bit, I’m sure they’ll get back on track as early as this weekend. However, a reason why very few actually picked the Colts to win the Super Bowl is due to their poor defense. And boy was it poor on Sunday. They couldn’t stop the run and Tyrod Taylor was able to carve them up, completing 14 of his 19 passes. So, while the offense will be fine, that defense will be a mess all season.
Then there are the Seahawks. I’m pretty sure Pete Carroll wanted to prove that he wasn’t dumb when he called for a pass play from the one in the Super Bowl because he called for a run play on fourth and one against the St. Louis Rams and Marshawn Lynch got stuffed to end the game in overtime. While that was pretty surprising, even more surprising was the Seahawks defense giving up 27 points to a mediocre at best Rams offense. Maybe Seattle should go ahead and pay Kam Chancellor the money he’s asking for because they don’t look quite the same without him. I’m sure the Seahawks will end up being just fine considering that the Rams always play them tough and they were in St. Louis, but right now they’re 0-1 and everyone else in the division is 1-0.
Quick Hits
*PANTHERS 1-0!!!!! Granted the receivers can’t catch, Kuechly got a concussion, and they were playing the Jaguars. But still. Can’t go 16-0 without going 1-0. Also, I said it before the season and I’ll say it again: Josh Norman is going to piss a lot of QBs off this year.
*I know some people liked the Ravens heading into the year, but losing Terrell Suggs is a major blow and that offense is in some serious trouble if Steve Smith starts showing his age.
*Speaking of a guy showing his age, Peyton Manning looks every bit of 39.
*Glad everyone can jump off the Detroit Lions bandwagon in week one.
*So much for Adrian Peterson helping Teddy Bridgewater reach the next level.
*Kansas City Chiefs wide receivers still don’t have a touchdown catch.
*I know the Browns wanted to play Josh McCown for some reason, but it’s better for everyone if Johnny Manziel plays. Either you can start to build the franchise around him or you can screw up another quarterback next year.
*The NFL wants to prevent concussions. So of course they do nothing but fine Adam Jones for slamming the back of Amari Cooper’s head into his helmet. Deflate heads, not footballs.
*Suh gonna Suh.
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