Thursday, October 15, 2015

Slammin' Stevie Cook's Week 6 NFL Picks!

Hi, hello & welcome to Week 6 of the National Football League! I'm Slammin' Stevie Cook, and we're rushing to get this in before the Thursday night game! It's been a pretty busy week over here, what can I say? We celebrated the Bengals' win over the Seahawks & St. Louis Cardinals Elimination Day pretty hard, but now we're ready to go. Let's hook em up!

Thursday, October 15

Atlanta (-3.5) at New Orleans: I fully expect this to be a high-scoring, exciting football game. The Saints are starting to come around on offense & the Falcons have put on a pretty good show in going 5-0. Neither defense is anything to write home about, so Matt Ryan & Drew Brees should have pretty good nights. Devonta Freeman will have a pretty great night, and Mark Ingram will get his share of yards & points. It's gonna be a close one, but I like the Falcons to head into the Superdome & escape with a victory. Road teams are 3-2 on Thursday nights this season, and I think it'll be 4-2 after this week.

Sunday, October 18

Denver (-4) at Cleveland: The Broncos are 5-0 and we're all going to give them the benefit of the doubt, but they've only won one game by double digits, against the sorry, no account Lions. The Browns came out of the gate looking like the drizzling shits in Week 1 and have been better ever since. Say what you want about Josh McCown, he's getting the job done right now...but he's running into a stout Denver defense that is the reason the Broncos are 5-0 despite some iffy offensive play. I think the Broncos win, and keep the Browns offense from doing enough to make it closer than a touchdown or so.

Cincinnati (-3) at Buffalo: There's only one GIF that can sum up how people are feeling in Cincinnati these days:



You may have heard that the last time the Bengals started 5-0 was in 1988, when they went to Super Bowl XXIII and Ickey Woods was shuffling his way into our hearts for the first time. They have gone 6-0 one time in franchise history, back in 1975. Forty years later, these Bengals look to equal that mark against a Buffalo Bills team that...well...is anybody really sure what to make of the Buffalo Bills? What I can say about them is that they beat bad teams (Titans, Dolphins, Colts) (yes I listed the Colts as a bad team) and lose to good teams (Patroits, Giants).



Another thing I can say about the Bills, historically anyway, is that they have the Cincinnati Bengals' number. After defeating the Bills in the 1988 AFC Championship game, the Bengals dropped ten straight games to Buffalo. They finally beat the Bills in 2011, and also beat them in 2013. The 2013 game went to overtime & both games had the Bengals win by three points. History tells us to take the Bills here.

But this is a new day. A new day, yes it is. The Rex Ryan Bills are not the Marv Levy Bills or the Wade Phillips Bills or the Gregg Williams Bills or the Mike Mularkey Bills or the Dick Jauron Bills or the Perry Fewell Bills. Or even the Chan Gailey Bills or Doug Marrone Bills. And these Bengals...well they're not your daddy's Bengals. This feels like a trap game, but you can't have a trap game before a bye week. The Bengals will put all their heart & soul into this game. Then they'll take a week off and fall flat on their faces the next week. But this week, by gum, they'll be good.

Kansas City at Minnesota (-4): As happy as I am about football these days, Dustin James is equally as unhappy. His Oregon Ducks are having their first down season since Phil Knight decided to pour all his money into their program & recruiting. His Kansas City Chiefs have one win over a bad team and lost their star running back for the season. I think even his high school team is having a crap year, and mine is 6-1. That's more wins than we had my four years there.

Now, the one kinda dark spot for my football fandom is college, but that might be turning around too. Louisville got off to a rough start due to a tough schedule, but seemed to turn things around last week and have a chance for a signature win for the program on Saturday at Florida State.  Louisville's pro players are doing pretty well though. Gary Barnidge is having a breakout season for the Browns, Preston Brown's doing things in Buffalo, Calvin Pryor's making plays for the Jets, and of course, there's Teddy Bridgewater.



Teddy's been just kinda there this season. Adrian Peterson is back and has taken much of the load off the sophomore NFL QB's back...he's completed 67% of his passes, has 2 TDs & 2 INTs so fat this season. Like I said, he's been just kinda there. Kansas City is a team that has had issues stopping much of anything this season in spite of Eric Berry's good PFF rankings. Last two weeks have seen elite QB Andy Dalton & the immortal Jay Cutler go off on the Chiefs D, so this is Teddy's chance to show us something. I think he does. The Vikings are undefeated at home & coming off a bye while the Chiefs are begging for their bye week to come.

Houston at Jacksonville (-1):



Pretty much. Both these teams are awful and they should feel awful. I guess take the Texans, but if you're gambling on this horseshit I feel bad for you.

Chicago at Detroit (-3):



Bears? I guess? Good God, you couldn't pay me to watch this. OK, maybe you could. But I wouldn't enjoy it.

Washington at NY Jets (-6): I would have bet Jeremy Lambert's man cave that this would be one of the least anticipated games of the season ...eh, it's kinda interesting. Two really good defenses against two offenses that...well, they're NFL offenses led by Kirk Cousins & Ryan Fitzpatrick. Don't expect a high scoring game here, which is why I say Washington is probably the bet here. Jets by a field goal.

Arizona (-3.5) at Pittsburgh: Always tough to go into Qualcomm Stadium & get a win against the Steelers. Oh, wait, this game's in Pittsburgh. My bad. I know the Steelers have fans all over the place because apparently crap travels well, but man that was a sad showing from San Diego on Monday night. That's why the Chargers are going to Los Angeles...of course, Los Angeles will root for the Steelers too, but what the hell. I expect the Steelers to win here so the Cardinals can lose a game and so I can worry about them eventually catching the Bengals in the AFC North.

Miami at Tennessee (-2): The Titans are coming off a soul-crushing loss to the Bills & Miami has a new coach after a bye week. I don't see the Dolphins turning things totally around and getting back into contention for anything, but this week they should be rested & motivated. That's worth something, right?

Carolina at Seattle (-7): People are starting to worry about the Seahawks. I'm not. Jeremy Lambert pointed out in his column this week that the Panthers have never won the week after a bye with Riverboat Ron Rivera as head coach, and I think that trend continues this week.

San Diego at Green Bay (-10.5): 10.5 seems like a ton of points, but it's the Packers in Lambeau Field so I'm willing to go with it. The Packers are clicking on all cylinders like they typically do & people are wondering why Aaron Rodgers is so open about his relationship with Olivia Munn.



Wouldn't you be?

Baltimore (-2.5) at San Francisco: Remember when this was the HarBowl? Now it's two one-win teams looking for answers. The Ravens have lost three games after having the lead in the 4th quarter. They should have beat the Bengals, Steelers & Browns, but have screwed the pooch each time. It reminds me of a lot of those Bengals seasons in the Lost Decade. They'd get a lead and get to a point where they should win a game, but they find a way to lose, or it just gets ripped out of their hands. These things happen. Unfortunately for Baltimore, they can't afford to get off to this kind of start in the division they're in.

As for the 49ers, well...



OK, they almost beat the Giants last week, but let's be honest here...nobody's worrying about the Super Bowl stadium's home team making it this year. I really have no idea what to make of this game. I keep thinking the Ravens will do something, so maybe this is the week for it? Possibly? Sure why not?

New England (-9.5) at Indianapolis: You might not know about this, but remember the whole thing where Tom Brady almost got suspended because there were deflated footballs? The Colts started all that. The Patriots might remember that. They also might know that this Colts team isn't up to snuff & Andrew Luck's been off his game all year. Matt Hasselbeck has looked good the last two games against inferior competition. Oh, and the Pats are the Colts' daddies anyway.

My prediction?



Pain.

Patriots. You can't make this line high enough.

Monday, October 19

NY Giants at Philadelphia (-4): Probably the two best teams in the NFC East. This week. It might change once Tony Romo comes back to Dallas, or once some more Giants lose body parts, or once Chip Kelly loses his mind again, but I think we can say that the Giants & Eagles will be fighting for a playoff spot at the end of the season. The Giants have some injury concerns, and not just of the losing body parts variety. Odell Beckham hurt his hammy celebrating a touchdown & Prince Amukamara hurt his pec. This should be a close game that the Eagles get the win & use to taunt their fans into thinking this is the year. It won't be, but they'll believe for at least a couple of hours before going back to being miserable as usual.

Last Week: 8-5-1

2015 Record: 41-33-2

No comments:

Post a Comment