Especially since the Bengals lost, my fantasy teams are going down the tubes and my picks here aren't going so well lately. Usually it gets easier to make picks as the season goes, but it's a lot tougher this year. Why? I don't believe in any of these teams! Other than New England & Carolina (and the Panthers are frauds or so I'm told), all of these teams have given us plenty of reasons to doubt them. Since I'm a pessimist and I'm prone to not believe in people anyway due to years of evidence, I don't need too many reasons to give up on a football team. If you don't believe in people, they'll never disappoint you.
On that positive note, let's hook em up! Rasslin style!
Thursday, November 19
Tennessee at Jacksonville (-3): Is anybody outside of the Titans & Jaguars' fanbases and the families of the players involved going to spend any time watching this game?
I guess take the Jaguars? Sure, whatever.
Sunday, November 22
Washington at Carolina (-7): Washington looked really good against New Orleans on Sunday, but everybody's been looking good against New Orleans lately. The Saints' defense has had as much luck defending passes as Big Daddy Yum Yum has defending chops:
They'll be in for a much tougher time against the Panthers, who even though they may in fact be frauds should be able to handle them rather easily.
Oakland (-2) at Detroit: THE STREAK...IS OVER.
Jim Caldwell's clients, the Detroit Lions, are the 1 in 24 and 1. They have ended the Green Bay Packers' undefeated streak in Wisconsin over the Detroit Lions. Much like Brock Lesnar went on to prominence after ending the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania, I believe the Lions will use this boost in confidence to pull the upset over the Raiders. And how in the heck are the Raiders a favorite over anybody on the road? They're improved, sure, but did you see them get trucked by Minnesota last week? This team's still got a ways to go before I start favoring them outside of the Pacific Time Zone.
Dallas at Miami: Tony Romo is back. The Cowboys didn't win a game during his absence. They also haven't won a game since Greg Hardy joined the team. Something has to give! Vegas has no idea what to expect either, they just made the dang thing a pick em.
Do I have enough faith in the Dolphins to continue Dallas's Florida losing streak? I don't. Romo even at 50% is a step up from what the Cowboys have been trotting out there. I'm worried though, I've been losing a ton of money on Dallas this year. So much, in fact, that I've had to take a side job at Chippendale's.
It hasn't been pretty.
Indianapolis at Atlanta (-6): A team that lost its last two games to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers & the San Francisco 49ers is favored over the Colts?
Granted, the Falcons are coming off a bye week and should be refreshed, but Matt Hasselbeck has probably been the most effective Colts QB this season. Take the points.
St. Louis at Baltimore (-2): Sorry Baltimore. I keep making the argument for y'all to come back into the playoff race, but after last week's loss to Jacksonville I gotta stop doing it. You got no chance.
But you'll still win this week because the Rams are complete trash against non-NFC North teams. I mean, I think. I've lost so much money on the Ravens this year that I've had to start working indy shows with Lex Luger. I DON'T KNOW!
NY Jets (-2.5) at Houston: Grr. Don't mention that team in my presence.
The Houston Texans. First they have the unmitigated gall to beat the Bengals, then JJ Watt has to go and talk some really lame trash on our quarterback? What nerve! I hope the Jets beat them by 30 points. Sadly I don't think that's what's going to happen. The Texans will win & continue their push to the playoffs. This does not please me.
Green Bay at Minnesota (-1): We here at the Ultimate Sports Blog have been singing the praises of the Minnesota Vikings since before the season started. The running of Adrian Peterson, the game managing of Teddy Bridgewater, the defense coached up by Mike Zimmer...this seemed like a recipe for success to us. Nobody agreed with us, but now everybody's coming around.
Indeed, we told you so. And now the Vikings are in 1st place in the NFC North. The Packers started off 6-0 but have dropped their last three. They lost to the Lions in Green Bay. We've already established that that never happens, but it did. One may surmise that would be hitting rock bottom, and that the Packers would be ready to go this week. Not me. I'm gonna keep riding this Vikings bandwagon until the wheels fall off. There's something special going on here, folks. AD...Teddy...Zim...it's all good.
Tampa Bay at Philadelphia (-5.5): The Eagles already blew one home game against a team from Florida. Can they make it two? Probably! The Bucs are a pretty pesky bunch most of the time, and the Eagles are the type of team that allows pesky teams to hang around. Take the Buccaneers and the points.
It's risky, I know.
Denver at Chicago (-1): A couple of weeks ago, Denver would have been a seven point favorite here. At least. Now with Peyton Manning biting the dust people aren't buying into the Broncos anymore. It's understandable. Brock Osweiler looks like a quarterback and Denver's been holding on to him as their backup because they see something in him, but people are reticent to trust what they don't know.
Making things even more complicated: Chicago's been looking like a competent football team lately. San Diego & St. Louis aren't great, but beating them both on the road is impressive. Jeremy Langford is emerging as Matt Forte's eventual replacement, Jay Cutler hasn't been terrible lately and the defense hasn't blown games. In 2015 this makes a team a contender for a wild card slot. The problem Chicago faces this week is that Denver still has a top notch defense and their odds of making Cutler look like he usually does are pretty good.
Low-scoring game...give me the Broncos and their superior defense.
San Francisco at Seattle (-12.5): One thing the 49ers have going for them this week is a lack of Colin Kaepernick. Say what you want about Blaine Gabbert, but he can't be worse against Seattle than Kaep has been. It's physically impossible. I really don't want to pick the Seahawks with that kind of a spread over anybody at this point...but I guess we're doing it.
It is a must win for Seattle...if they lose this one and get to 4-6, you can forget about them going to the playoffs. They might even drop out of the top 10 of Peter King's power rankings.
Kansas City (-3) at San Diego: Chiefs fans were pretty happy last week watching Peyton Manning throw all those interceptions.
Now the Chiefs head to San Diego and get Philip Rivers. Rivers has been having a pretty good season, especially considering that all of his wide receivers have been injured at one point or another. That hasn't translated into wins yet, and I don't think it does this week either. The Chiefs get the win and the millions of dollars.
Cincinnati at Arizona (-5): Monday night's Bengal loss was one of the most annoying kinds of losses. The kind where the team comes out flat, nothing really goes right, but the other team doesn't really take advantage of it. So you have to sit through a brutally boring game waiting for your team to finally give up some points and lose. That's the worst. Blowouts are fine because you can tune out after the third quarter. Double digit comebacks are ok because while you're really PISSED OFF at your team, at least the game's interesting to watch. A 10-6 game where your team blows a 6-3 lead...where's the fun in that? You wasted your whole night watching a boring game that your team didn't win. You could have been watching lame wrestling show-closing promos instead.
Exactly. Now we move on to a Sunday night game and a meeting with Carson Palmer. I've never been bitter about how things ended with Carson & the Bengals. He wanted to move on, we got a better deal than anybody thought possible and more financial flexibility. Everybody won. Well, Carson had to go to Oakland first, but eventually he went to Arizona and met Bruce Arians and got his groove back. Good for him.
Of course, this won't stop me from cursing his name when the Cardinals run up the score & expose the Bengals for the frauds that they are. 8-2, 8-8 soon enough. Has a team ever won eight and then lost eight? Somebody should look that up.
Monday, November 23
Buffalo at New England (-7): Will the Rex Revenge Tour continue in New England? God, that would be so awesome. Could you imagine the celebration that Sexy Rexy would start on the sideline? It'd make Sandman's post-match celebrations look tame.
Unfortunately, I think Billy "The Brain" Belichick has something in store for Ryan and the Bills.
I'm not picking the Patriots to lose a game this year. Seven points is doable...if it was double digits I might go Bills to cover, but seven is safe.
Last Week: 8-6
2015 Season: 77-63-5
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