Thursday, December 17
Tampa Bay at St. Louis (-1.5): Not a lot to talk about with these teams except for these awful uniforms:
I know the kids like the bright colors and that's how they decide which school they're going to these days, but us old people cant take this stuff much longer. The Bills/Jets game with the Color Rush nonsense gave colorblind people seizures, I don't know what this Hulk Hogan stuff it gonna do but it probably isn't going to be good. Why can't teams just wear throwbacks? Give the Bucs the creamsicle unis and give the Rams whatever they wore in Cleveland back in the 1940s, and let's have some fun that way, right? All this crazy futuristic stuff is for the birds.
I also like the Rams here on the short week and the fact they don't have to stare across at those ugly yellow uniforms that they'll be wearing.
Saturday, December 19
NY Jets (-3) at Dallas: Saturday Night Football is usually a pretty good time, and Jets vs. Cowboys is certainly a favorite matchup of the media. The Cowboys are America's Team, and when Tim Tebow was on the Jets ESPN thought the Jets were America's Team. They weren't, but the Jets are a lot better without Tim Tebow. A little FitzMagic is all you really need. I don't know what it is about JerryWorld, but the Cowboys have zero home field advantage there. They're 1-5 at home this year, and all their losses last season came at home. They're 27-27 in Arlington. I think they fall below .500 this week. The Jets defense will be just too much for Matt Cassel and company.
Sunday, December 20
Chicago at Minnesota (-5.5): The Vikings are reeling after losing two straight games to the NFC West and missing key players on defense. The extended break after last Thursday's heartbreaker in Arizona should help, but I like the Bears to at least keep it close. They're one of those teams that aren't good, but surprise you occasionally. Remember when they beat the Packers in Green Bay? I expect a similar performance here.
That's right, Teddy. If the Bears shut Aaron Rodgers down they'll shut you down. Let the hate consume you.
Atlanta at Jacksonville (-3): The Jaguars are still alive, I guess. The Falcons are dead in the water at this point, and even though I usually don't advocate firing a coach after his first season on the job, Dan Quinn's seat has to be feeling pretty hot at this point. He got off to a real nice start but things have just unraveled and it's not like they've been decimated by injury like some of these teams out there. Matt Ryan & Julio Jones are still out there. Devonta Freeman missed one game. There's no good excuse for this.
As for the Jags, it's like Stugotz said on the Dan Le Batard Show: Bortles, Robinson, Yeldon, watch out. You kinda have to because of their POS division...
Houston at Indianapolis: The fact that one of these teams will go to the playoffs while either the Jets, Chiefs or Steelers (or maybe even the Broncos or Bengals?) will be going home is an absolute travesty. The Texans have lost six straight games against the Colts and have never beat them in Indianapolis. I would love to say that changes this week. The Lions won in Green Bay so anything should be possible...but I can't advise you to bet on TJ Yates on the road against a team that isn't the Bengals. Go with the Colts, the closest thing to a Sure Thing in the clownshow that is the AFC South.
Kansas City (-7.5) at Baltimore: Isn't amazing how the Chiefs' season got better once their schedule got easier? They were 1-5, but four of those losses were to likely playoff teams. This streak has a couple of good solid wins, but there's also a couple of Chargers games, the Lions, the Raiders...y'know, the weaklings. Most of us saw this coming and didn't count the Chiefs out, but don't tell that to Dustin James. Nobody believed in them.
Baltimore's season can be summed up in one GIF:
It hasn't gone well. They were losing a bunch of close games, but now they've got Jimmy Claussen at QB and who knows what around him. They can't put up enough points to beat that spread, so take the Chiefs.
Buffalo (-1) at Washington: I'm as surprised as anybody that this game actually matters, but Washington's tied for 1st in the putrid NFC East and Buffalo...well, if the Bills were in the NFC East instead of the AFC East, they'd probably be in the playoffs. But they're not, so Sexy Rexy and the boys are playing for pride against an organization that has none. I like Rex in those situations, and I like the Bills this week.
Tennessee at New England (-14): I don't care how many Patriots are injured at this point. Their groundskeepers could beat the Titans.
Carolina (-5) at NY Giants: I saw this as the one possible bump on the road to a perfect regular season for the Panthers. The Giants are one of those tricky teams that always play up to the level of their competition. Their defense bends, but rarely breaks. Carolina will put up some points, but will it be enough? Jonathan Stewart's injury issues may make Cam Newton do too much. Will he finally break? Can Ted Finn Jr. produce 2 weeks in a row?
Too many questions on Carolina's side here. Eli Manning always produces in the biggest situations. Sure, the Panthers have a great secondary with a top notch CB whose name I can't remember, but they haven't played anybody like Odell Beckham Jr. Dude is on another planet. The Panthers will put up a good job & a good effort, but the Giants are the pick here.
Hey Lambert....you're welcome.
Cleveland at Seattle (-14.5): Johnny Manziel vs. The Legion of Boom? You can't make this line high enough for me, I'm all about the Seahawks in this matchup. I didn't even mention Russell Wilson & Doug Baldwin vs. an atrocious Browns defense. No more Thomas Rawls means they're going to throw the ball even more, which is a scary thought if you're a fantasy football player going against Wilson or Baldwin in your playoffs this week.
Green Bay (-3) at Oakland: Its about two hours and forty-seven minutes from Chico, California to Oakland. Pretty easy drive for the Rodgers family, so instead of a road game this is really a home game for Aaron and the Packers. Add in the fact that Olivia Munn lives in California, and our boy is gonna be so relaxed that Its silly.
That's why I like the Packers this week. The Raiders are coming off a big win over Denver, but I don't think they have the consistency to follow up with another. A common problem with young teams. They'll be pretty good once they get to Los Angeles though. I'm not sure about the team(s) that will be joining them...
Miami at San Diego (-1.5):
Take the Chargers, I guess.
Denver at Pittsburgh (-6): There are three things in life you can count on: Death, Taxes, and the Pittsburgh Steelers making a charge at the end of the season. It never fails. Just when you think you're rid of the biggest cheaters in sports with the most obnoxious fan base outside of St. Louis Baseball and don't have to worry about seeing or hearing from them in the winter months...they go and break Andy Dalton's thumb with their knee. What a bunch of cads. As a fan of truth, justice and the American way, I hate the Steelers with the fire of a thousand suns.
As a gambler, I love them! They're a Sure Thing this time of year! Especially when they're hosting Brock Osweiler when the bloom is starting to come off the rose. You won't see Big Ben going off for a ton of yards and touchdowns like he has some weeks, but the Steelers defense will make enough plays and limit the Denver offense enough to make a six point spread easy peezy lemon breezy.
Cincinnati (-4.5) at San Francisco: When you're a Cincinnati Bengals fan, it's only natural to assume the worst. My history is evidence of that. I was 4 years old when the Bengals went to Super Bowl XXIII and lost to the San Francisco 49ers, too young to remember. My earliest Bengal memory? The playoffs leading into Super Bowl XXV. A blowout of the Houston Oilers followed up by a loss to the Los Angeles Raiders. It stunk, but I was still optimistic that the Bengals could come back next year and make more noise.
I was six years old. It was the last time I was ever optimistic about the Cincinnati Bengals. The Lost Decade saw to the death of my sports optimism. Life saw to the death of any other optimism I once held, but that's another topic for another time. Indeed, there is always reason for doubt with the Bengals. Even after Marvin Lewis arrived and the wins started to come in double digits per season, there always seems to be that moment when everything goes south.
In 2005 it was Carson Palmer's knee.
In 2009 it was letting the New York Jets win in Week 17 because they were seen as the "easier opponent".
In 2011 it was TJ Freaking Yates.
In 2012 it was Shayne Graham kicking 4 field goals against his former team.
In 2013 it was Andy Dalton laying an egg.
In 2014 it was AJ Green getting hurt.
It's 2015. It's Week 14 of the regular season. A season that has been Andy Dalton's best. A season where he stepped to the next level and became more that just a guy that happened to be surrounded by weapons. He was a weapon. Until he decided to try and tackle a guy. Now he's gone for the season. Wonderful.
We got AJ McCarron taking over. He's from Alabama. As much as I like to make fun of Dustin James for his Oregon Ducks producing some sorryass NFL QBs, the Alabama Crimson Tide can't even get on that level. Their last good one was Kenny The Snake Stabler. He was pretty damn good, Hall of Fame good in fact, but it was forty years ago. Since then...well, I was going to make a list but it'd be pointless because you've never heard of any of them. Brodie Croyle do anything for ya? How about Mike Shula? He coached some teams. Jeff Rutledge was the last Bama QB to win an NFL game, back in 1990. THE BENGALS WON A PLAYOFF GAME MORE RECENTLY THAN AN ALABAMA QUARTERBACK STARTED A WINNING NFL GAME. How about that?
So AJ's got all that going against him. But, for some reason, we (Bengals fans) seem to have faith in him. Maybe it's his name. There are plenty of successful AJs out there. AJ Green. AJ Styles. AJ Lee. I think the self-confidence really helps him. He's out here talking about how he's in the same spot that Tom Brady was back in 2001...people think it's crazy, but he honestly believes he's going to do what Tom Brady did. Scouting reports that came out when he was drafted compared him to Brady, so it's not like he's the only person that's compared AJ McCarron to Tom Brady. I'm not going to, but he can feel free to do so.
When Dalton first went down I feared the worst. McCarron was fine in relief against Pittsburgh. He made a couple of mistakes and paid dearly for them, but it's not like he's the only guy that happens to when they play the Steelers. The 49ers will be an easier test and he'll be able to get his feet wet in this game. If he runs into trouble, he's got two really good running backs and the 49ers can't stop the run. I like the Bengals to win, and I like McCarron to break the Bama streak. He's not going to have that deer in the headlights look you see from a lot of these backups. He'll be ready.
Arizona (-3.5) at Philadelphia: You can tell that a team is elite when they beat good teams when they don't play their best. The Cardinals weren't on their A game Thursday night, and the Vikings played as well as I've seen from them in the Teddy Bridgewater Era. But Arizona still had enough to pull out the win. That's what the cream of the crop does. That's Arizona.
The Eagles pulled out a win last week as well, but it was much more of a hot mess. Come to think of it, doesn't that phrase describe Philly perfectly? They're supposed to be real good. They're very popular with the in-crowd. But they do silly things like have Sam Bradford play QB, trade for the wrong RBs for their system, and embarrass themselves and their famlies on holidays.
Which team do you trust more with your money? The elite, or the hot mess? Its gotta be the Cardinals, right? Of course, knowing how silly the NFL has been this season, the Eagles will actually win because Chip Kelly's the second coming of Vince Lombardi or some such nonsense. But I trust the Cardinals.
Monday, December 21
Detroit at New Orleans (-3): This matchup didn't look terrible for a Monday night before the season started. The Lions were a playoff team last year and we thought the Saints would probably rebound this season. So the Lions stink and the Saints didn't really rebound. I feel like Bill Simmons is to blame for this somehow. Or Keith Olbermann.
The Saints are looking ok lately though, especially at that SuperDome. Good showing against the Panthers, win against the Bucs, that's enough reason to pick them over Detroit.
Last Week: 7-9
2015 Season: 113-90-6
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