Last week, I spent five days in Cleveland. I arrived there with the Cleveland Cavaliers trailing the NBA Finals 2-1 to the Golden State Warriors. I was in town after Game 4, when all hope seemed lost and after Game 5, when some hope was restored. This is my story.
There was no "Welcome to Ohio" sign or welcome center when we crossed the state line into Ohio from West Virginia. I only knew that we were in Ohio because I could get more than two radio stations on the FM setting.
The trip to Cleveland got off to a poor start. My fiancé Jess and I spent a night in Zanesville and Cincinnati, where nothing went right. The only good part of the trip was hanging out with my buddies Todd Bergman and Steve Cook, but even that threesome was cut short due to the poor traffic and roads in Columbus and Cincinnati. We finally arrived in Cleveland and found that the roads were even worse than they were in Cincy. Not only did I have to drive on these roads, I had to run a 5K on them and Jess had to bike a 5K. The longest stretch of even pavement in the entire city was probably half a foot.
At my 5K run, upon completing the race, I downed a bottle of water and searched for the nearest trash can. The race was being held in a downtown area, right near a couple museums, a convention center, and a music hall. Despite the prime location, there was no trash can to be found. After walking another half mile or so, I finally found what I believe to be the only trash can in the entire city. Unfortunately, due to the poor trash to trash can ratio, I was unable to dispose of my water bottle in the trash can as it had already overflowed with trash. In fact, the trash surrounding the trash can was so tall that it had formed a barrier around the actual trash can. If you didn't know any better, you would've swore that you were throwing away your trash in a trash can made of trash.
When I visit a new city, one of the things that I do is buy my mom a magnet from that city to reminder her that I've been to this city and she hasn't. Well, Cleveland doesn't want anyone to know that you've visited their city because there's not a single magnet to be found. Not only could I not find a magnet for my mother, but whenever I asked "Do you sell magnets?" I was greeted with a puzzled look that made you believe that I was from a foreign planet. I later found out that if you want a magnet from Ohio, you have to go to Kentucky. This makes total sense to me after being in Ohio.
There's a street in Cleveland called Detroit Ave. where I saw a man wearing all red and carrying around a pitchfork. My guess is that the mayor of Cleveland wanted to do his best to remind citizens that they weren't living in the worst place in the world, so he named a street after the other worst place that he could think of. Otherwise I have no logical explanation as to why anyone would name a street after Detroit. I can only hope that the mayor of Detroit returned the favor.
Most of the people in Cleveland suck. They weren't nice nor were they very helpful. They just kind of look at you with dead, jealous eyes as they know that you'll be leaving the city soon while they are stuck there for the rest of their lives.
Even the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, which is supposed to be one of the biggest draws in the city, was disappointing. The layout was terrible and the exhibits weren't great. Plus, they use F.Y.E. as their distributor for their gift shop and I swear that place went out of business years ago.
However, I did meet two great people. The first gentleman was named Mad NBA Fan. While waiting for our bus, Mad NBA Fan was on the phone with his friend ranting about what happened in Game 4 of the Finals. He was extremely upset and it reminded me of my conversations with Samer Kadi following NBA games. In fact, it reminded me so much of my convos with Samer that I had no choice but to call Samer and let him listen to this guy as he yelled at his friend about LeBron costing them the game. We waited for the bus for about 20 minutes and Mad NBA Fan spent that entire time on the phone, spitting words of wisdom about how the series was over and all hope was lost. He finally hung up when the bus came and I told him, "I feel your pain." I wanted to give him a hug, but thought that might've been a little too much. He once again called his friend a moron and proceeded to take his seat on the bus.
The second gentleman I met was named Happy NBA Fan. He was our uber driver the day after Game 5. He pulled up decked out in his Cavs jersey and Cavs hat. I had no intention of talking basketball with him because the season ended two weeks ago for me, but my future mother-in-law introduced me into the conversation. We spent the whole 10-minute ride to the place where we were staying talking about the series. Happy NBA Fan was spitting wisdom as to why the Cavs would win the series and how there was no way they would be denied. When we arrived to our destination, I wished him and the Cavs luck for the rest of the series.
It was great to finally get out of Cleveland and Ohio. I don't know how people live there. When I asked Steve Cook how he manages to live in Cincinnati, he said "alcohol." I imagine that Cleveland residents would have the same answer.
That's why I'm happy that Cleveland won the NBA title. I don't care about the team. I'm happy for the city. Sports are a great escape from reality. For most fanbases, it's a painful escape. It's been a painful escape for Cleveland sports fans for over 50 years. Their reality has been miserable and their sports have been miserable. Finally, for one night, they were able to forget that they live in Cleveland, storm the already dirty and worn out streets, and celebrate success. LeBron said it best after the 2011 NBA Finals. Enjoy this moment Cleveland because tomorrow you have to wake up and go back to the real world and the unhappiness of living in Cleveland.
No comments:
Post a Comment