NFL Power Rankings: Week 8

Jeremy Lambert is back with his weekly NFL power rankings that are much better than ESPN's. Why? Because I said so.


Welcome to the Ultimate Football Blog Week Eight Power Rankings. Like most power rankings, this list is highly official and should never be doubted. If you disagree with it, you’re probably a moron.

No special commentary this week. I already wrote a fake trades column that can be found elsewhere on this site. What more do you want from me?

Onto the rankings:

1. Peyton Manning vs. Tom Brady

It’s on once again. Both quarterbacks are on fire right now and if you check the fake power rankings on other sites, the Broncos and Patriots are probably both in the Top 5. Now the two greatest quarterbacks of my generation will meet for quite possibly the final time in the regular season.

2. Ben Roethlisberger 

The Colts defense had been pretty good this season. They were coming off a shutout victory and only giving up 19 points per game. Then they ran into “Big Ben.” Roethlisberger threw for 522 yards and six touchdowns. He only had nine incompletions on 49 passes. Pretty good day.

3. The Final Two Minutes of Falcons/Lions

Let me set the scene: The Falcons, up 21-19, managed to burn less than 30 seconds off the clock despite having a 1st and 10 and the Lions only having one timeout following the two minute warning. The Lions got the ball back and drove down the field for a game-winning field goal. They missed it. Except that there was a delay of game. So the Lions got another chance from five yards further back and nailed the field goal to win the game. It was an absolute comedy of errors and I loved it.

4. Sack Celebration Injury

With his team down 48-23 in the 4th quarter and the Patriots playing their back-up QB, Lamarr Houston recorded a sack. Then he got up and did some stupid jumping celebration. In the process of his celebration, he blew out his knee. GOOD! I’d never wish an injury on any player, but I hate it when players celebrate big plays when they are losing by 17 or more points. Anyone who does that should be injured.

5. DeMarco Murray

Another week. Another 100 yards. He’s going to need at least one 200 yard game to break the record, but you have to admire the guys consistency.

6. Jeremy Maclin Gatorade Bath

I bet that would’ve felt better if the Eagles had won. If he doesn’t get an endorsement out of that then I’m never drinking Gatorade again. The commercial writes itself.

7. The INT Battle

With Geno Smith getting bench, this is Blake Bortles battle to lose. He threw another two picks this week and shows no signs of throwing to the correct team nay time soon. Andrew Luck and Nick Foles might be sleepers.

8. Sammy Watkins

Young Sammy would be higher if it wasn’t for his premature celebration that cost him a touchdown. He still had one touchdown and 157 yards on three catches.

9. Louis Delmas

The Jaguars defense didn’t play bad, but Dolphins defensive player Louis Delmas had an INT for a touchdown and a fumble recovery. It’s good to see “The Jaguars Benefactor” back in this spot after a week off.

10. NBA Season

Does your NFL team suck? Good news, BASKETBALL SEASON STARTS THIS WEEK!

11. NO MEANS NO!

Colt McCoy led the Redskins to a big victory over the Dallas Cowboys. So after the game of course every TV outlet wanted to interview him. But some security guard wouldn’t let that happen, shoving reporters out of the way to escort McCoy to the locker room.

20. J.J. Watt’s Sense of Humor

J.J. Watt is going to win the defensive player of the year. He further cemented his claim on Sunday with two sacks, a forced fumble, and a deflected pass. He also mocked Zach Mettenberger was a “selfie pose” after a sack because I guess Zach took some selfies showing off his sweet mustache and then ripped him for the selfies after the game. Seriously, J.J.? This coming from the guy who filmed a commercial where he’s dancing like an idiot? You got your sack, you did your pose, move on. Your team won. Mettenberger played well. Unfortunately he also plays for the Titans.

30. Drugged Up Tony Romo

Romo got hurt, went to the locker room, got drugged up, and should’ve lost the game in regulation if Washington didn’t suck.

32. Geno Smith

Geno Smith threw three interceptions in the first quarter and was benched. Then Michael Vick played so bad that I wouldn’t have been shocked if Geno was named the starter, but Rex Ryan is sticking with Vick. Until he sucks and Geno is back.

50. Percy Harvin in the Passing Game

Harvin complained that he wasn’t utilized enough in the passing game in Seattle. So in his first game with the Jets, he had 3 catches for 22 yards. Maybe things weren’t going great in Seattle, Percy, but you were winning. Don’t expect that in New York.

125. Johnny Manziel

Brian Hoyer played good enough to lead the Browns to victory over the Raiders. Looks like Johnny Football will be sitting on the bench a little longer.

150. The NFC South

The Saints victory was the first win for a NFC South team since October 5. Now the 3-4-1 Panthers meet the 3-4 Saints on Thursday Night in a battle for NFC South supremacy. No. Really. The winner of that game will be .500 and lead the division.

250. Sunday Night Games

Seriously. These are getting bad.

500. The Oakland Raiders

This spot is now reserved to the worst player on the Raiders during the week until they win a game. For the first week, I’m just going to give this spot to the entire team.

639. The Colts Defense

Enough said.

1,000. Peyton Manning vs. Tom Brady Coverage

I’m already sick of it.