It's Thanksgiving, which means most of us are going to spend at least part of the day plopped down on the couch watching football. Occasionally family will interrupt us with food & wanting to talk about whatever they're up to, but we want to watch football. It's not that we don't care about our families...ok, it's kind of that we don't care about our families, especially the people we only see on holidays. There's a reason for that, you know.
The one drawback of Thanksgiving Football is that it was such a big hit that it led to the NFL wanting to have games on Thursday night all the time. So while you're sitting there enjoying your football, think about Richard Sherman & the pain you've caused him. He suffers for your amusement, by gawd! He'll end up richer than my entire audience combined can ever hope to be, but let's forget about that minor detail. It's all about Richard Sherman, and you people need to realize that. In fact, we should all be thankful for Richard Sherman & the fact that he graces us with his presence on television every week. Where would our lives be without Richard Sherman?
Anywho, let's hook em up!
Thursday, November 27
Bears at Lions (-7): We usually spend at least part of Thanksgiving complaining about having to watch the Lions. This year we'll be complaining about having to watch the Bears. I don't know about you guys, but I've had to watch way too much of these slugs this year. Seems like they're always either in a featured game or on in my market because Chicago & Cincinnati are in the midwest & all those cities are the same. We're not getting any AFC teams on Thanksgiving this year, but we are getting the Chicago Bears. Something isn't right here. I think the government needs to investigate.
Of course, as much as I complain about the Bears they could actually cover here. The Lions have lost two straight & their big tackle's out for the year, and you have to figure that Suh will do something stupid because it's a Thanksgiving tradition for Suh to do something stupid. But you've also got Megatron vs whoever the Bears are trotting out these days. The Lions have struggled lately, but the Bears aren't the Cardinals or Patriots. They'll be fine here.
Eagles at Cowboys (-3): This is a bit more like it. Two teams that have been among the best in the NFC all season. You'd think Mark Sanchez on Thanksgiving would be a bad idea, but it's actually working out in Chip Kelly's offense so far. Dallas played the Giants close on Sunday night, but that happens every year. The tough part for them is having two division rivalry games so close together while Philly got to feast on Tennessee on Sunday. The tricky part about picking Philly is you're picking Mark Sanchez on the road & I think Bill Simmons has a rule against that. We'll find out, as I will tempt fate & take the Eagles and the three points.
Seahawks at 49ers (-1.5): Slobberknocker potential no doubt about it. A coin flip of a game no doubt. The Seahawks have been up and down. People keep wanting to count out the 49ers and they keep winning. Way I see it...the Seahawks think they're losing. That's why Richard Sherman & Doug Baldwin are cutting promos with cardboard cutouts. They think they will lose, and they want to have an excuse when it happens. The 49ers have been quiet & are staying home, and I think that gives them the slight edge.
Sunday, November 30
Washington at Colts (-9.5): I was watching SportsCenter Wednesday morning & arrived at the following conclusions:
-There is not nearly enough Sara Walsh in my life right now.
-There is entirely too much coverage of the Washington NFL franchise on ESPN.
The anchors & various experts spent at least one-third of the broadcast talking about Colt McCoy taking over the QB1 position at the expense of Robert Griffin III. See, back during his senior year at Baylor. people thought that RG3 was going to be a thing. There were even people trying to convince us that Griffin was going to be a better NFL QB than Andrew Luck, who up until that point had only been compared to John Elway. These people were wrong. Griffin had a good rookie year, but has been regressing ever since. To the point where Colt McCoy seems like an improvement.
I guess we could try & analyze it, but it's Washington. Who cares? They're going to throw a bunch of money at people during the off-season for an attempted quick fix, it won't work, and we'll act surprised at the turmoil in DC like it's a new thing or something. That's why I'm surprised ESPN is so into it. They used to be all over the Jets' idiocy, now it's Washington's. I would say they should spend more time covering the good teams, but they also showed Belichick & Brady's press conferences & both were beyond useless. So I'm not sure what the solution is. Maybe more Kaylee Hartung, she was on one time talking about the Egg Bowl & I needed more information about that for sure.
What I don't need more information on is this game. Colts in a walk.
Titans at Texans (-6.5): JAKE METTENBERGER! RYAN FITZPATRICK! THE NFL ON CBS! Actually, it's not like that's a big dropoff from JAKE LOCKER! RYAN MALLET! THE NFL ON CBS! Or CHARLIE WHITEHURST! THAD LEWIS! THE NFL ON CBS! I won't watch a second of this & neither should you. Texans because JJ Watt will score a TD somehow.
Browns at Bills (-2.5): Usually the idea of Browns vs. Bills late in the season makes me reach for the vomit bucket, but they're actually both kinda good this year. At least so far. Buffalo looks like they're going to do their usual circle the wagons down to third/fourth place thing & I don't trust Cleveland even if all Brian Hoyer does is win. Bills had a big win on Monday against the Jets, but you gotta remember they were playing at home in Detroit. I'm not sure if playing in Buffalo will give them the same advantage. I'll go with the Browns because ALL BRIAN HOYER DOES IS WIN.
Chargers at Ravens (-6): The Ravens are one of those teams that don't sound good on paper but you're scared of. The Chargers are a team that sounds good but you're not scared of. Add in the whole East Coast thing & the Ravens are the easy pick.
Giants (-2.5) at Jaguars: You know you're having a bad season when you're favored by less than a field goal against Jacksonville. You know you're really having a bad season when I don't dismiss it after one sentence. These Giants are just not good. I can't even tweet Reby Sky to laugh at her because what the hell would be the point? They're bad. It is what it is. I guess I'll take the Giants here, but I wouldn't be shocked if the Jags got win #2 here.
Bengals (-3.5) at Buccaneers: The Cincinnati Bengals have won two straight road games. Can they win three? Usually I would say no because I'm a Bengals fan and there's nobody more negative than a Cincinnati Bengals fan. But...for God's sake...Tampa Bay is an awful football team. Mike Evans is good. The rest of that team though...man they bad.
Of course this is the type of game the Bengals lose. But after last week I've decided that I can never pick an NFC South team again. I picked two last week. Not a good idea. Bengals since they're in the AFC North & not the NFC South.
Raiders at Rams (-7): The LA Raiders vs. LA Rams matchup would have some juice. Even when two teams in the same city are bad, we tend to get excited when they face off. City championship! When it's the Oakland Raiders vs. St. Louis Rams? Not so much. I think the Raiders got their win out of their system & the Rams will keep playing the good football they've been playing recently. They should petition to be in the NFC South, even when they're in SoCal.
Saints at Steelers (-4.5): I could try & talk myself into the Saints if they were hosting this game. But they're not. So Le'Veon Bell will run all over these choads & the Steelers will TCB.
I also used the word "choad" on my podcast this week. Gonna try & bring that back.
Panthers at Vikings (-3): The Panthers took a week off, so Cam Newton should be healthy. BUT I'M AFRAID I'VE GOT SOME...BAD NEWS!
Minnesota's freaking cold. And for some reason the Vikings don't have a dome right now. I just don't see Cam Newton & that offense going up to Minnesota & doing fantastic things. Also, they play in the NFC South. So I'll roll with my boy Teddy & the Vikings.
Cardinals (-2.5) at Falcons: I'm not too high on the Arizona Cardinals lately, but #NFCSouth. Also, they just picked up Michael Bush. Where did Michael Bush go to school?
Thank you very much. Cardinals.
Patriots at Packers (-3): This is pretty big. It's the first time we've seen Tom Brady & Aaron Rodgers in the same regular season football game. Also, both teams are really good. The Patriots have been fine since they were On to Cincinnati, and the Packers were fine once they relaxed. Something has to give. I really don't want to pick against either team. I will pick the Patriots and hope they lose. Seems like the best option at this point.
Broncos (-2) at Chiefs: Tough to pick against the Broncos against a team that just lost to the Raiders. If the Chiefs win, the NFL officially makes no sense. That will help me next week I think.
Monday, December 1
Dolphins (-6) at Jets: Geno Smith is your Jets QB1 again. Does it matter? Probably not. The Jets aren't even an entertaining enough dumpster fire for ESPN to cover anymore. The Dolphins looked impressive in their loss in Denver, and I think they should look even more impressive in a win on Monday night. They better, because I got a lot riding on Ryan Tannehill this week. I'm not sure what it says about one's life when they have a lot riding on Ryan Tannehill, but at least I'm in good company.
Lauren Tannehill. That kid might be my hero, actually.
Last Week: 5-10
Season Record: 87-86-3
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