The NFL is also a business, and business is good. Remember early in the season when people were worried about the NFL due to Ray Rice beating his girlfriend that became his wife up and Adrian Peterson taking a switch to his kid & the other guys whose names aren't big enough to remember doing bad stuff? Yeah, nobody cares anymore. Rice is reinstated, Peterson won't be too far behind, and ratings are higher than ever. If you thought Roger Goodell was on his way out you better think again. Football has never been bigger, the games have never been more important, and I'm just bursting to talk about it now. Let's hook em up!
Thursday, December 4
Cowboys (-3.5) at Bears: The Thanksgiving losers get together a week later so nobody can complain about the short week. I can dig it. What I can't dig is watching another Chicago Bears game. I'm sure this is the fifth or sixth week in a row I've complained about this, but it bears (haw) repeating that I don't think there's a team I look less forward to seeing than the Bears. At least with the dregs of the league like Oakland, Jacksonville & Tennessee, there's a novelty factor because I don't see them every week. The Bears seem to be on TV in the Cincinnati market every single week, and when they're not it's because they're on another nationally televised game. There's no reason for this. Not even Bears fans want to watch this team at this point.
Of course, on the other side you have a team that's made a tradition out of stumbling, bumbling & fumbling their way out of playoff contention in December. Once the calendar changes to December (which is an especially good thing in the Cook house this year since Kate Upton is Miss December...hubba hubba) Tony Romo goes full-blown Romo. It's bad news. So bad, in fact, that I'm picking the Bears. Hey, if I'm going to be stuck watching them every week the least they could do is be a spoiler.
Sunday, December 7
Steelers at Bengals (-3): I really don't want to talk about this. I wrote the rest of this column before even trying to address this situation. Do I think the Bengals have the better team? Yes. Do I think the Steelers have some kind of voodoo magic on the Bengals that makes things weird? Yes. Do I think the Steelers & their fans are the worst people ever? Well...it's between them & the Kentucky Wildcats & their fans. The St. Louis Cardinals & their fans make a good argument, but the Voodoo Penguin is my best Internet friend & good people. I mean, Larry Csonka is good people too, but he quit putting me on podcasts & websites. So...yeah.
If Andy Dalton plays like he did last Sunday, the Steelers win this game without question. Fortunately, you're never really sure what to expect from the kid. He could throw 4 TDs or 4 INTs. Either is possible. Maybe he'll do both one of these days. Dustin James compares him to Jeckyll & Hyde, and there's a lot of truth to that. Way too much for my liking.
Since my picks haven't been going well lately, I will pick the Steelers & hope my luck or lack thereof continues.
Rams (-2.5) at Washington: One of these teams won last week by the score of 52 to nothing. The other's trotting out Colt McCoy as their quarterback & it's their best option. Rams are on a roll & Washington is on whatever the opposite of a roll is. A biscuit? Sure, why not.
Giants at Titans: Vegas doesn't even care enough about this game to pick a favorite. Who can blame them? The Giants have screwed me two weeks in a row but I'm figuring that eventually I have to be right about them winning a game. If they don't win something at some point I just might reveal that secret about Reby Sky & the loofa mitt.
Panthers at Saints (-9.5): I asked noted Carolina Panthers expert Jeremy Lambert whether or not the Panthers could beat the spread. He didn't know who they were playing, where they were playing, or what the spread was. It's been that kind of season in Carolina. Eventually I got him to tell me to take the Saints.
Jets at Vikings (-6): TEDDY TEDDY TEDDY. He hasn't been spectacular this season, but he hasn't been bad in the way that people are screaming for his head. He's doing the best he can with what he's been given. Minnesota's a hardworking squad, which I expect from a Mike Zimmer-coached football team. Keep an eye on them in the next few years.
As for the Jets, well this is all that needs to be said about their season:
Who's going to arrest the kid? You seen that team?
As bad as the Jets are though, they were tenacious against Miami & they'll be OK with the cold weather in Minnesota. The Vikings seem to be in close games more often than not, so I'd bet on the Jets here.
Ravens at Dolphins (-3): We should have seen the Dolphin egg coming against the Jets, but at least they made it a win anyway. Both of these teams are in playoff contention & need wins to stay there, a loss will make it tough to get back in things.You gotta like the Dolphins' chances hosting three out of four to end the season. I need to like Ryan Tannehill. It is what it is.
Colts (-4) at Browns: Everybody wanted Andrew Luck vs. Johnny Football. They're getting Andrew Luck vs. Brian Hoyer instead. The result will be the same either way. Colts.
Buccaneers at Lions (-9.5): The Bucs played the Bengals close. Good for them. Lions gonna run them over like they're Barry Sanders back in the day.
Texans (-5) at Jaguars: Can the Jaguars get a winning streak going?
Keep an eye on the Texans. They probably can't lose again & make the playoffs, but they got two games with the Jags, the Ravens at home, and they played the Colts close last time they met. The AFC's a traffic jam at this point, but they might find the emergency lane.
Bills at Broncos (-10): C.J. Spiller is practicing again. That's cool, but he's no longer the dominant C.J. in this league. Now it's all about C.J. Anderson. This kid has totally shifted the way the Denver Broncos go about their business on offense. It used to be Peyton Manning throwing the ball constantly with an occasional rush from Montee Ball or Ronnie Hillman to try and keep defenses honest on stopping the run. Now it's all Anderson all the time with Peyton throwing stuff when he feels like it, and he's been doing a damn good job with it. It'll be tough for Ball or Hillman to get that job back anytime soon, because Anderson has been a revelation. It's also a good way to keep Peyton fresh for the playoffs...the guy is in his late 30s so you do have to take that into consideration. The Bills do have a good run defense, but I'm not sure I can roll the dice on them in Denver.
Chiefs at Cardinals (-1): Arizona laid a pretty big egg in Atlanta, now they need to hold off a tough Chiefs team to keep winning games & stay ahead of Seattle. The problem I run into with Kansas City is I don't think they have a passing game that can get things done against Arizona. They have yet to get a WR into the end zone. I didn't think that was even possible until this Chiefs season, and here we are. I like the Cardinals home advantage. Not very much, but I like it.
Seahawks at Eagles (-1): Pete Carroll vs. Chip Kelly! I wonder who Dustin James is rooting for in this one. He should be rooting for the Seahawks, since he needs the Eagles to fall apart so they'll consider drafting his boy. I mean...it's ridiculous. Skip Bayless didn't like Tim Tebow as much as Dustin James likes the next big bust coming out of Oregon. I'm pretty sure he's doing it at this point just to troll me, but the way Dustin talks he fully expects this guy to break all of Peyton's records. Not gonna happen. But I'm going to try & help him out by picking the Seahawks.
Oh, and who knows Mark Sanchez better than Pete Carroll?
49ers (-7.5) at Raiders: In a world where Washington D.C. doesn't have a football team, these two franchises could make a case for being the most dysfunctional in the NFL. The Raiders have been a dumpster fire for over a decade now, and 49er management is running the coach out of town that got them out of the hole they'd sunk into after Steve Young retired. At least San Francisco has the Giants. I think the 49ers bounce back from their humiliating defeat last week. The question will be if 49er fans will outnumber Raider fans at the game, or if 49er fans will be too scared to go to Oakland.
Patriots (-3.5) at Chargers: Things were moving along pretty swimmingly for the Pats. They were on a nice long winning streak & feeling good about life as the favorite to win the Super Bowl. Then Green Bay happened.
But even worse...this happened:
You know, this is so Belichick. He always thinks that he can make things work that nobody else can. It doesn't matter that Justin Bieber single-handedly sent the Pittsburgh Steelers into a tailspin that could knock them out of the playoff picture. No, the Patriots are above that. They can win even with the dreaded Justin Bieber Curse. Newsflash: Nobody survives the Bieber Curse. Not even the Patriots. Chargers gotta win out to keep up with the rest of the AFC West, and as far as I know Bieber hasn't heard of them.
I always pick against Bieber. I'm 95% sure the Cavs are only 9-7 right now because he's a big fan of theirs. Always has been.
Monday, December 8
Falcons at Packers (-11.5): Road Falcons vs. Home Packers. Yeah, I can see why the line is this high. You had to like what you saw out of the Falcons last week, but it was in Atlanta. The Packers are relaxed & on fire, and even when they aren't relaxed or on fire they're damn near unbeatable on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. It's a high spread, but I believe in Aaron Rodgers.
Last Week: 7-9
Season Record: 94-95-3
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