NFL Round-Up: Week 16

The end of the season is near folks.

It sucks, but we must try and get through this together. If not for that, then what purpose do we have on this planet?

Screw introductions though.

It's time to talk about some football.......

So................

Sit back........

Grab a beer............

Put the kids outside...........

Tell the wife to leave you alone.........

IT'S TIME............................................

NFL Round-Up

Week 16

The Scoreboard

(A recap of all the action from the past week in the NFL....)

*Due to time restraints, the Monday Night Football games are not included in The Scoreboard

San Diego Chargers (4-11): 20     Oakland Raiders (7-8): 23

This was actually an OK game, but you are an asshole if you actually watched it. Why? Because it was on Christmas Eve and you should have been spending time with family rather than watching football. Therefore, you are an asshole if you watched this game.

For the record though. I'm a huge asshole.

Washington Redskins (8-7): 38     Philadelphia Eagles (6-9): 24

Congratulations Washington. It's definitely been a down-year for the NFC East (the Giants are inconsistent, the Cowboys are unhealthy, and the Eagles are a mess) and you guys capitalized on it and went ahead and parlayed playing in a crappy division right into a playoff spot. Does anyone actually give Washington a shot in the playoffs? I hardly doubt it. The team of Jay Gruden and Kirk Cousins definitely doesn't send chills down your spine, but teams had better pay attention because the Redskins are one of those teams that will punch you in the mouth if you disrespect them enough. Go ahead and count Kirkers out, because it seems like the guy plays better when people don't expect it. As for the Eagles, they are officially done for the season and it looks like it's time for them to once again re-evaluate the roster and make some big-time moves this off-season. Trading LeSean McCoy for Kiko Alonso last off-season didn't really work. The Eagles missed McCoy more than you think and Alonso has been a disappointment so far in Philly. Chip Kelly can not afford to blow big moves like that again or he's definitely starting next year as the NFL coach with the hottest seat (I don't think Philly fires him for the record).


You know what Chipper thinks about "hot seats" though, don't you?

Cleveland Browns (3-12): 13     Kansas City Chiefs (10-5): 17

What's that?

Oh. The Chiefs almost lost to the Browns in an extremely meaningful playoff-clinching game?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!

WHY?

BECAUSE THE CHIEFS HAVE JUST WON NINE IN A ROW AND ARE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS AGAIN!!!!

Doing the happy dance. Feeling the flow.



New England Patriots (12-3): 20     New York Jets (10-5): 26

Bill Belichick is probably the smartest guy in football. The New England Patriots have arguably been the smartest team in football the last 15 years. However, their decision to give the New York Jets the football in overtime was one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. I know New England has done it before and it's worked, but that doesn't mean it's going to work every time. If you're in a "stare down" with another gun slinger in the Old West....do you give the guy the first shot if you can take it first? NO. YOU DON'T! I still love you Bill Belichick, I'm just extremely disappointed in your decision-making. Under no circumstance do you ever give someone a chance to win the game when you can easily do the same.

Screwing up in a game with home-field in the playoffs on the line? Something tells me that Tom Brady and the Patriots aren't smiling a whole lot this week.

Oh, shut up Tom.



Houston Texans (8-7): 34    Tennessee Titans (3-12): 6

Are the Houston Texans a good football team?

Ya, I'm not sure either. I think they are an OK football team. They are also the one football team that I hope the Kansas City Chiefs meet in the first-round of the playoffs. Perhaps maybe then, the Chiefs will get their first playoff win in 20 years? Here's to hoping!

What I do know is...the Tennessee Titans are an awful football team. And they are exceptionally bad when their first-round draft pick Marcus Mariota is out with an injury. So what will the Titans do in the off-season (and with perhaps the #1 overall pick in the NFL draft) to change things? Hopefully add a bunch of extra draft picks and sign 1-3 immediate contributors in free agency. Then things will start looking up again for the Tennessee Mariota's. Until then, gross.



Indianapolis Colts (7-8): 18     Miami Dolphins (5-10): 12

This year's Colts team just refuses to die. They honestly should have just packed it all in and went home back when Andrew Luck went out for the season, but they thought Matt Hasselbeck and Charlie Whitehurst could save their season and what do you know....here they are alive and kicking still. I'm just as shocked as you are. This year has been an up-and-down rollercoaster ride for the Colts fans as they aren't sure what the future holds for their once proudly crowned "golden boy" Andrew Luck. Can Luck return to the form he was in when he was proclaimed the "next big thing" in the NFL or has he peaked as player?

We all know what I think.....

San Francisco 49ers (4-11): 17     Detroit Lions (6-9): 32

I have better things to do than discuss games between two teams with losing records. Seriously. I could be going and getting ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCINOS with my friends......

Dallas Cowboys (4-11): 6     Buffalo Bills (7-8): 16

I have better things to do than discuss games between two teams with losing records. Seriously. I could be going out and playing football with my own friends......

Chicago Bears (6-9): 26     Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-9): 21

I have better things to do than discuss games between two teams with losing records. Seriously. I could be watching old WWE re-runs on the WWE Network......

Carolina Panthers (14-1): 13     Atlanta Falcons (8-7): 20

Well, it finally happened. Just when I thought the Carolina Panthers could potentially go undefeated through the regular season. Just when I was starting to buy in that Cam Newton was a top 5 NFL QB. Just when I was starting to get some serious Super Bowl hopes for the Panthers, they come out and lay a fat egg against an Atlanta Falcons team that hasn't been very good the last few weeks. I'm extremely disappointed in Carolina, but I'm still all the way in! Sometimes teams and players just have off weeks. It happens. And that's probably what happened with the Panthers and Cam Newton. Having an off week every now and again is OK. It's how you respond to that off week that shows you how good a team actually is. It's also why people shouldn't say stupid stuff like:

"Well, the schedule got easier so that's why they are on a win streak." 

Oh really? Just ask the Panthers, the Steelers, and the Seahawks just how hard it is to win every single week in the NFL regardless of who the opponent is. If a team has a winning streak in the NFL, you have to pay them attention because it's so hard to win week-in and week-out in the National Football League. That's why I'm still on board with Carolina. They are still one of the best teams in the league. Cam Newton is STILL the MVP of the league so far (with Carson Palmer a close second). And something tells me they will make the Buccaneers pay next weekend. If not, then I'm going to start to worry.

It's never a good thing when you see the "Crying Jordan" broken out....

Pittsburgh Steelers (9-6): 17     Baltimore Ravens (5-10): 20

Speaking of disappointments, HELLO PITTSBURGH! Seriously though Steelers. Us Kansas City Chiefs fans appreciate you guys helping us get into the playoffs and everything...but don't forget about yourselves in the process. Pittsburgh knows that this year's Baltimore Ravens team isn't that good right? Then how come Ben Roethlisberger and the rest of the Steelers act like they are the New England Patriots or something? It's ridiculous. Just when the Steelers were starting to get a ton of hype from the media as the "team nobody wants to face in the playoffs", they get stuck in the mud while Ryan FREAKING Mallett and the Ravens are driving off in a giant truck spitting mud and shit all over their face. Pittsburgh KNEW this game had playoff implications on the line right?


This year's Steelers team is done. Let's go back in time and remember last year's team which was much more entertaining....

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-10): 27     New Orleans Saints (6-9): 38

Ya, that's not happening.......

St. Louis Rams (7-8): 23     Seattle Seahawks (9-6): 17

The Seahawks had been playing like Superman lately. After starting out the season in less-than-spectacular fashion, Seattle had found themselves recently and had been playing like the Seahawks of old. You know what I'm talking about. The Seahawks that have been playing in the Super Bowl the last two years and even won one of them. The Seahawks that had easily become the most feared team in the NFL. Those guys were back and those guys were unstoppable. Just like Superman.

Well, if the Seahawks are Superman, then the Rams are their KILLER WHALE.....

Pump the brakes on the Seahawks everyone. They might not even be a top 5 team in the NFC. That's right...I said it!


Green Bay Packers (10-5): 8     Arizona Cardinals (13-2): 38

The Arizona Cardinals might be the best team in the NFL at the moment. They are on a nine-game win streak and have won a lot of those games against good competition and have left no doubt that they can play with anyone in the league. They absolutely mauled the Green Bay Packers this week and took no prisoners in doing so. I'm not that much of a gambling man, but if you forced me to pick a team RIGHT NOW that's going to win the Super Bowl...my money is on the Arizona Cardinals.

Sorry if I just jinxed you Cardinals. If Carson Palmer gets injured in next week's game, you know who to blame.



New York Giants (6-9): 17     Minnesota Vikings (10-5): 49

I'm a Vikings fan this year, but the New York Giants without Odell Beckham Jr. are pretty much un-watchable and they proved that in this game. They are so un-watchable without OBJ that I decided to watch the movie Everest over the Sunday Night Football game and that movie wasn't even that good. I knew I should've just watched Die Hard for the fourth time this week instead....

Monday Night Football Scores:

Cincinnati Bengals (11-4): 17   Denver Broncos (11-4): 20

Fantasy Football Top Performers

(Fantasy football is huge these days. Here are the best fantasy football players from this week)

*Stats are from Yahoo and don't include Monday Night Football teams

Quarterbacks:

1. Kirk Cousins

2. Blake Bortles

3. Drew Brees

4. Ryan Fitzpatrick

5. Matthew Stafford

Running Backs:

1. Tim Hightower

2. DeAngelo Williams

3. Jerick McKinnon

4. Frank Gore

5. David Johnson

Wide Receivers:

1. Julio Jones

2. Brandon Marshall

3. Allen Hurns

4. Allen Robinson

5. Brandin Cooks

6. Doug Baldwin

7. DeAndre Hopkins

8. Jordan Matthews

9. Dontrelle Inman

10. Rueben Randle

Tight Ends:

1. Jordan Reed

2. Vance McDonald

3. Austin Seferian-Jenkins

4. Kyle Rudolph

5. Travis Kelce

Kickers:

1. Blair Walsh

2. Robbie Gould

3. Matt Prater

4. Justin Tucker
4. Josh Lambo
4. Shayne Graham
4. Nick Novak

Defense:

1. Arizona Cardinals

2. Houston Texans

3. St. Louis Rams

3. Minnesota Vikings

5. Washington Redskins

NFL Power Rankings

(Pretty self explanatory here...)

1. Carolina Panthers (14-1)
2. Arizona Cardinals (13-2)
3. New England Patriots (12-3)
4. Denver Broncos (11-4)
5. Cincinnati Bengals (11-4)
6. Kansas City Chiefs (10-5)
7. New York Jets (10-5)
8. Minnesota Vikings (10-5)
9. Green Bay Packers (10-5)
10. Seattle Seahawks (9-6)
11. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-6)
12. Washington Redskins (8-7)
13. Houston Texans (8-7)
14. Atlanta Falcons (8-7)
15. St. Louis Rams (7-8)
16. Oakland Raiders (7-8)
17. Buffalo Bills (7-8)
18. Indianapolis Colts (7-8)
19. Detroit Lions (6-9)
20. New Orleans Saints (6-9)
21. Chicago Bears (6-9)
22. New York Giants (6-9)
23. Philadelphia Eagles (6-9)
24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-9)
25. Baltimore Ravens (5-10)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-10)
27. Miami Dolphins (5-10)
28. San Diego Chargers (4-11)
29. San Francisco 49ers (4-11)
30. Dallas Cowboys (4-11)
31. Cleveland Browns (3-12)
32. Tennessee Titans (3-12)