Welcome to the Ultimate Football Blog Week One Power Rankings. Like most power rankings, this list is highly official and should never be doubted. If you disagree with it, you’re probably a moron and shouldn’t be on this blog. Enjoy.
1. Seattle Seahawks
This team is really good. They won the Super Bowl last year and opened this season by whooping up on a highly talented Green Bay Packers team. They have the best defense in the league, a balanced offense, and a great decision maker at quarterback. They are the favorites to repeat as Super Bowl champions for a reason.
2. Tony Romo vs. Eli Manning vs. Jay Cutler INT Battle
Right now Romo holds a 3-2-2 edge, but this will be a fun battle to monitor all season. All three QBs looked to be in elite form in week one and I have a feeling that this will continue throughout the season. I wouldn’t be shocked if all three guys end up with over 15 INTs for the season.
3. Cordarrelle Patterson
3 carries, 102 yards, 1 TD. Has any player ever finished a game with over 100 yards on less carries? I’m too lazy to do the research, but I bet it hasn’t happened often.
4. Matt Ryan
Must be nice to have Julio Jones and Roddy White healthy, plus a new weapon in Devin Hester.
5. Peyton Manning
Still really good.
6. Alex Smith’s Bank Account
No matter how bad Alex Smith is, he’s still getting paid.
7. Antonio Brown
Because landing a flying jump kick to the face of the opposing kicker is always awesome.
8. Ben Tate’s Doctor
When Ben Tate was a back-up running back, he couldn’t stay healthy. Now he’s a starter and he’s already injured after week one. His doctor might be the highest paid person in the league.
10. Derek Anderson
Best back-up QB in the league
15. Jamaal Charles Fantasy Owners
It’s only one week. It’ll be alright.
22. The Corpse Of Larry Fitzgerald
How much more evidence do we need before it’s official that he isn’t an elite wide receiver anymore?
31. San Diego Chargers
Never stop being you.
32. New York Giants Secondary
How can you leave Calvin Johnson wide open that many times? He’s only the best receiver in the league.
40. New England Patriots Offensive Line
The Miami Dolphins just hit Tom Brady again.
45. Buffalo Bills Fans
Don’t get too excited just because you beat the Chicago Bears in Chicago to start 1-0. We’ve been here before.
50. Adam Jones
Ice Up Son
51. Eli Manning Hand Signals
What was this hype all about? The Monday Night Football crew wouldn’t shut up about how the up-tempo Giants offensive with Manning doing a bunch of hand signals was going to give teams trouble. Yeah, sure.
55. Cris Collinsworth
I like Cris Collinsworth. But his excessive slurping of Julius Peppers, who hasn’t been good for years now, was a bit much.
98. Trent Richardson
Is it possible that he’s the worst starting running back in the league? If not, it’s definitely possible that he’s the worst starting running back in the league on a playoff team, right?
99. Darren McFadden and Maurice Jones Drew
13 carries for 26 yards combined. Way to take the pressure off your rookie quarterback, guys.
100. Johnny Manziel
Obligatory mention
101. Richard Sherman
For the best cornerback in the league, he sure didn’t do a whole lot against the Packers.
200. Andy Dalton Haters
I’m one of them. He shut me up this week. This week.
1,000. Ray Rice
Fuck this guy.
For more of Jeremy Lambert, check him out on Twitter. He can be a good guy (sometimes).....
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