Welcome to the Ultimate Football Blog Week Nine Power Rankings. Like most power rankings, this list is highly official and should never be doubted. If you disagree with it, you’re probably a moron.
I picked the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the AFC North. Fellow Ultimate Football Blogger Steve Cook, a Cincinnati Bengals fan, laughed at me. WHO IS LAUGHING NOW STEVE COOK?!?!?!
Alright, so technically the Bengals lead the division thanks to a tie (shouldn’t they be punished for failing to be the Carolina Panthers at home?) but with the way both teams are playing and based on remaining schedule, the Steelers are in a good position. The two teams have two head-to-head games left, including a week 17 match-up in Pittsburgh that could decide the division. Besides those two games, the Steelers play the Jets and Titans (two likely victories), two games against the NFC South (very winnable games), and the Chiefs (a tough game). If the Steelers continue to play at the level they’ve been playing at, they are in a position to finish the season with at least 10 wins.
Meanwhile, the Bengals schedule is a little bit tougher. Five of their last eight games are on the road, they have to play a scrappy Browns team twice (one on Thursday night, one on the road), the Saints and Texans on the road, and the Broncos. It’s very possible that the Bengals struggle to finish the season with eight wins.
Here’s the biggest reason why I’m confident in my Steelers pick: They have Ben Roethlisberger, the Bengals have Andy Dalton. “Big Ben” is on fire right now, throwing for 862 yards and 12 touchdowns in the past two weeks. On the season he has 22 touchdowns and only three interceptions. He’s a Super Bowl winning quarterback who can make and extend plays with his size and strength. And then there’s Dalton. He’s a ginger. They can’t be trusted. Dalton has eight touchdowns and six interceptions on the season. In Dalton’s defense, he’s been missing AJ Green for most of the season, but Roethlisberger lost Emanuel Sanders (740 yards, 6 TDs) and Jericho Cotchery (602 yards, 10 TDs) in the offseason and he’s been doing just fine.
Defense is another big reason why I’m confident about the Steelers. Even though their defense is ranked 15th in yards per game, the Bengals defense is ranked 30th. The only two teams with worse defenses than the Bengals are the Buccaneers and Falcons. The run defense of Cincinnati in particular is very concerning. They gave up 5.5 yards per carry to Trent Richardson. TRENT FRIGGIN RICHARDSON! If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is.
Now that I’ve prematurely gloated about the Steelers winning the division, I’m sure Roethlisberger will get injured and the Steelers won’t win another game all season. Congratulations Cook. I’m sorry Larry Csonka.
Onto the rankings:
1. Tom Brady
Remember a few weeks ago when people, myself included, wanted Tom Brady to retire because he was sucking? Boy were we stupid.
2. Mark Sanchez
I was the only person talking about Mark Sanchez this past week (granted I was trying to trade him back to the Jets, but still, who else brought up Mark Sanchez this week?) and lo and behold, MARK SANCHEZ LEADS THE EAGLES TO VICTORY!
3. Arizona Cardinals
Who had them as being the best team in the league through nine weeks?
4. Anthony Fasano Butt Catch
How bad are the things for the Jets? They deflected a goal line pass right into the hands of Fasano, who was just sitting down, literally, in the endzone.
5. Ben Roethlisbeger
Even though he threw for six more touchdowns, Roethlisberger slips this week because he didn’t throw for enough yards.
6. Ryan Tannehill
Don’t look now, but Ryan Tannehill is leading the Dolphins to big wins and a potential playoff spot. And have you seen his wife?
7. Colt McCoy
Robert Griffin III didn’t play bad, but he didn’t win. You know won last week and hasn’t lost all season? Colt McCoy.
8. Robert Griffin III Sliding
The Redkins may’ve lost this week, but RG3 stayed healthy and actually slid multiple times. That’s got to count for something.
9. Jeremy Hill
Andy Dalton tried to let the Jaguars in the game, but Jeremy Hill and his 154 yards wouldn’t allow it.
10. New Orleans Saints Winning The NFC South
It’s a terrible division, but the Saints won it this past Thursday. Just trust me.
15. The INT Battle
A pretty dull week as Blake Bortles only threw one pick, Nick Foles threw one pick and then got hurt before he could throw more, and Geno didn’t play. However, Mark Sanchez threw two picks and if he’s starting for the foreseeable future, look out. He could climb up this list pretty quick.
32. Phillip Rivers
With Geno Smith benched for the time being, this spot is now going to the worst quarterback of the week. Sorry, Phillip.
45. Percy Harvin In The Passing Game
After being invisible in the passing game last week, Harvin had 11 catches for 129 yards this week. Unfortunately he’s still on the Jets and will continue to lose. I wonder if he prefers being invisible and winning or starring and losing. Probably the latter.
50. Jason Garrett
With Tony Romo injured and Brandon Weeden starting, one would think that DeMarco Murray would get plenty of carries. Nope. 19 carries for Murray while Weeden threw the ball 33 times.
60. Jim Harbaugh
If the San Francisco 49ers don’t make the playoffs, Harbaugh is definitely a goner.
150. Johnny Manziel
I actually thought that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers would upset the Browns and Manziel would make his season debut on Thursday Night Football. But that didn’t happen.
289. Tavon Austin
Austin was a top 10 pick and supposed to be the next DeSean Jackson or Randall Cobb with his ability to catch the ball, return punts and kicks, and come out of the backfield. Instead he’s the first Tavon Austin, which isn’t good. He has 123 receiving yards this year and showed his football IQ this past Sunday when he nearly returned a missed FG for a safety. Yup.
302. Sunday Night Football
Can NBC flex into a game that has already been played so we are guaranteed something competitive?
500. Darren McFadden
13 carries. 20 yards. Remember when he was supposed to be the next Bo Jackson?
1,000. Cold Weather Peyton Manning
I’m not putting this loss all on him. But the evidence that Manning sucks in cold weather is pretty overwhelming.
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